Words of another

An acquaintence of mine posted this in her LiveJournal, which I found to be very clear and beautiful, very relevant to my own work. I'm keeping note of it here for myself and to share it with others who may care.

this fit like clothes made out of wasps
permit me to write ugly paragraphs about an ugly situation.

i've learned this lesson well, although it took me a while: when people stop caring about you, there's nothing nothing nothing you can do except turn away and walk into the sun. it doesn't matter if it's your mother, your father, your lover or your best friend: wait for nothing. just go.

malicious intent & blatant disregard can grow like fungus inside any human, any. any. even the ones who have been your home & your foundation. you must be wiling to see it when it grows. you must always be prepared to travel away alone. you must not ever say, "but this is my mother. she would never..." or "but we really loved each other, and he says..."

no. no. don't listen to what he says. that's how you stumble into alcoholism and scar tissues and unrelenting darkness. that's how you end up like your aunt retha or any of the rest of them with despair in their eyes and shadows clinging to their shoulders. that's how you lose yourself.

don't linger.

don't let them poison you just because you're unwilling to see that yes, your mother would actually do that to you, and yes, he really did just con you into having his daughter so he could drop you for your best friend, and yes, the love really is all gone. don't let them poison you because you'd rather lie to yourself about them than feel it all break.

what breaks will break. let it break. and get the fuck.

arm yourself with music, arm yourself with recipes & produce, arm yourself with mountains & horse rides & beaches & drunken nights splashing, arm yourself with good books & nice green pens, arm yourself with anything you like that isn't contingent upon another human, but never ever ever arm yourself with love. love is not meant to be your fortress or your stronghold or your home. love is temporary and volatile and built upon shadows.

families are meant to crumble, as far as i can tell.

never listen to what they say.

.